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Archive for May, 2011

There may be a belief somewhere out there that there are alternative universes where exist different but slightly similar versions of ourselves. The realm of the world wide web is to me a universe in it of itself. There are so many websites where many individuals with a screen and a keyboard can access and register as – but as soon as they are known like that, that persona stays with them forever. I won’t lie, I’m on the internet quite a lot, but then again who isn’t?

However, sometimes I believe that I am on the internet much more often than ordinary people. Of course, that would be assuming that everybody else in the world isn’t a night owl like me – which is untrue. You know how you’re so used to the rules and atmosphere of one place that you think it’s okay to be like that everywhere else, when those communities are actually way different?

There’s one particular community I’ve been a part of since October 2010 and I’ve loved it there, and I know that coming in I wasn’t doing very well with adjustments to little things such as the chat etiquette and general forum rules. Of course, for the longest time I couldn’t find those rules anywhere. People were probably sick of me or were just very different from me. Of course, I was also naive thinking it was like that everywhere. But apparently some places are a little bit more enforcing than others. Now don’t get me wrong, I love that. But I hate the fact that I wasn’t aware of the rules for say a month or two until two people there pretty much called me out on it.  And I don’t believe that my presence or attitude back then was very well-received, or whatever the term is – and now I understand why.

Ever since then, however, I’ve been able to adjust and I’ve settled down. I feel like a completely different person. Like it was a second coming of sorts, only the second time with a better understanding of the guidelines and otherwise. It’s like that one saying I know all too well. “Everybody deserves a second chance”. While that may be, I feel like I made a mistake and was doing something wrong for a certain time period and decided to correct my mistake. Although it all could have been avoided if I had just known things from the start. To be honest, I don’t really feel like I deserved a second chance. But of course, after one person reassured me they weren’t saying I wasn’t wanted there, I’d like to thank them for being so nice and understanding.

It’s not usually hard for me to adjust to a new place, but it was then. Now I think everyone is getting along swimmingly with me. Well, that’s what I think, anyway. I’m sure I’ve annoyed some people over the course of time I’ve been there. I still feel like I have to correct a few things, because I should have realized long ago that I was doing something wrong. And now, I want to try to start anew. For real this time.  Although I may need some guidance along the way. So, what do you say?

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Theatricality

The first thing that came to my mind of what I wanted to do in my life wasn’t to write, but as I was growing up my goals or something or another changed with time, just like everything else does. Anyway, all I really wanted to do in my life was perform. Like, fine arts stuff. Music. Acting in movies or community theatre or school productions. Anything like that.

When I was a kid, I took piano lessons. I was very good. I also actually had my own recital in front of a fairly large crowd years ago in the auditorium of the music building of the college I attend and everybody loved it. Unfortunately, as a child, I was also very rebellious. I ended up quitting after a long time because I felt like it was something my parents forced me to do. Which it kind of was. Now, many years later I realize I miss it. I just want to be able to play the piano again and whatnot. But that’s not the only thing I want to do again. Not many people know this about me but as a kid I was also in a movie. Just one. Nothing big, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter. And then when I was like fourteen, I was a big movie buff and still am, but then I said, “I want to do that. Act. I’d love it.”

So my dad told me to take an acting class, whether it was a workshop at a community theatre thing or at school. Unfortunately, I didn’t take his advice until senior year of high school. So I took Drama 1 with two fellow seniors, one sophomore, and a bunch of freshmen. I loved it. I didn’t get to audition for anything though and that’s my biggest regret. I kept telling myself, audition audition audition audition. But it never happened. In fact, I never auditioned for anything up until this year of college.  That was Romeo and Juliet. Or more precisely, some weird combination of West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet that they called West Side R&J: A Cabaret. It was a wonderful thing that they put together, and I’m sad I didn’t get the chance to be in it. I then told myself I’d audition for Rent. Long story short, that too didn’t happen.

Maybe the reason why I haven’t really gotten into acting yet is because I don’t feel confident enough. Maybe my all too well known stage fright is what’s keeping me from chasing my dream. Someone once told me that with nearly every situation I give up way too easily. Well, no more. I’ll try it out, and even if I think I messed up or did really awful, I’ll try it again. With experience comes practice, and contrary to popular belief, practice doesn’t necessarily make ‘perfect’. However, it does make ‘better’. So I’m just going to continue on and hope something happens.

Of course, since I want to act, people are probably asking me “why aren’t you a theatre major, then?” The answer simply is, because I don’t have to be. Because it doesn’t matter. Because all I need to do is have a love and appreciation for it and it just feels like something I’ve always wanted to do. Plus because I plan on moving to Seattle as soon as possible, the community theatre performances here and there would fill up a theatre-style resume, or whatever, and Vancouver BC, also known as the Hollywood of the North, is just a two hour or so drive. There then, I’ll probably get my big break. Of course, I’d want to be a published author as well – but we’ll see what comes first. Either way I won’t stop the other from happening.

The game doesn’t end when you always have the option to try again. Or if you ended up rage quitting at one point in time like I did, going back to square one and avoiding making the same mistake.

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The Finish Line

I’ve always been someone who starts something to try it out as a challenge, but never ‘really’ finishes it. That’s been true my whole life, actually. I’ve done National Novel Writing Month three times, a spin-off challenge just like it in another month once, and it’s sister event Script Frenzy twice. I’ve also written, or rather once began to write a stage play about a boy who wasn’t too content of the possibility of a situation that turned out to be like two sides of the same coin. That situation being either him leaving his friends behind, or he and his circle of friends drifting apart from one another ever so slowly. Anyone and everyone can relate to such a feeling. I know I did, and I know I will again. That is actually partly the reason I began to write it, and I would love to revisit that work.

But this post isn’t about that play, or what month long writing challenges I’ve done. This post is about writing whatever, in general. Writing productivity to be ensued. I want to make  a comeback. I want to try again. I want to see if I can do better this time.

This post is about wanting to actually finish the things I start, since even with my three novels, two screenplays, one play, and any other sort of creative writing I’ve done of my own accord that I’ve not mentioned in this post – I’ve always, and I mean always, left them unfinished. Except for my novel I wrote for NaNoWriMo in 2009, but I want to rewrite that completely now. I’m not sure why. Maybe I didn’t like it much after all as I thought I did. Oh well, at least I’ll have the only copy of what it originally was at first at my own disposal. After all, if editing it to make it even better won’t make me happy, going back to square one is the only optimal solution. At least, that’s my take on it. I don’t know what other writers think on the matter.

I want to do two things. I want to make a comeback in certain things I started but never really got into. Those things being essay writing for fun (believe it or not I wrote a couple of essays for contests but never have sent them in so they’ve just been lying there), writing articles for the student newspaper here on campus, and furthermore.

Also, for once, with my novel (or anything that is not poetry writing) writing,  I want to have some sort of ending that doesn’t leave the book open for a sequel. I want to write “The End”, and have it really be the end for once. I want to write those two words into the manuscript, and cry tears of joy and immediately after that say, “At long last, my work is finally complete.”

I want to cross the finish line.

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