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Archive for June, 2011

The Pain of Loss

You never really know what you have or how important what you have may be until suddenly, what you had is gone. Just like that.

It can be, and it is, very difficult to lose someone dear to you. On Saturday, a friend’s SO passed away. They were wonderful and beautiful together and I wish there was something I could do to help my friend, but all I can do is give and offer my condolences. I hope he’ll be alright. Her passing was just so sudden, and nobody saw it coming. Life is a precious thing and love makes it beautiful. He wasn’t the only one who lost someone dear to him, though. She had many friends and all of them miss her greatly.

I lost someone too. I know how it feels. A plane crash in 2007 took my best childhood friend away from me. But not just her, most of her family and a family friend. I can only imagine how hard it was on the father/husband. I miss my friend a lot. I never even got a chance to spend any time with her in person before she passed. And I regret not taking that opportunity. We used to hang out a lot when we were kids, but when I moved schools it’s like we forgot all about each other. I still haven’t fully accepted that she’s gone. Those every now and then visits to the cemetery where she and her family are buried in their own little section help me realize that they are, because it’s the only way for me to accept it. I have to force myself to head over there and talk to her name. And maybe cry a little, here and there. I wish I had a recent picture of her. I’d carry it as a reminder of the wonderful girl she is and was. Even though it was four years ago, I still think of her every single day. It’s been that long, and it still doesn’t seem or feel real at all. The last memory I have of her is a phone call that my friend Mollie (who I did not know even knew her) set up. It was nice hearing her voice again after so many years. I think that call happened in either 2005 or 2006. Or maybe sometime early 2007 before the incident. I don’t recall exactly when, but I knew it was a great moment. I think I remember telling her I wanted to see her again after so many years and catch up on stuff, but it never happened. And that’s what I regret the most.

Another loss that is having to be a recent experience is to try to do your best to say goodbye to an old friend. Derby, my friend’s horse, who was like a son to her – is sick and has to be put down; has been having problems with his lower back and isn’t eating now. If he is eating, it’s bare minimum and the pain meds don’t work well and losing too much weight too fast. Again, I wish there was something I could do to help. Even if it is just to listen to her vent and let her talk. She’s like me: she hates goodbyes, especially when they are truly for good. In many instances, when people say “goodbye”, they really mean “see you later”. But not this time. I know how much she loved Derby. There’s nothing else that can be done for him that can help him much.

It’s always tough to accept the harsh reality of the situation, especially when it’s something like this and you don’t know what you can do.

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